Sunday, October 10, 2004

IMAO: Know Thy Enemy: Halliburton

IMAO: Know Thy Enemy: Halliburton: "Know Thy Enemy: Halliburton
As we all know from the media, Cheney serves his master the corporation Halliburton, the most evil corporation there is. Thus I sent my crack research staff to find out all they can about Halliburton, and I even checked out the site Cheney mentioned (my sister was the first one to tell me about that site; good silly sister). Here are the goods:
* Halliburton gets its name from the last name of Lucifer Halliburton, prince of darkness.
* Halliburton the corporation was founded right after Adam and Eve were expelled from paradise and soon got a sole-source contract for building their house.
* The cross Christ was crucified on - all Halliburton. They had sole-source on that for the Romans.
* During the Dark Ages, Halliburton labored long and hard to find a way to pollute the world using the technology available, but ended up on just causing the crusades since they had the sole-source on chain mail and the pope was a former CEO of theirs.
* While Andrew Jackson was president, Halliburton was able to get a contract to randomly destroy forest and kill woodland creatures for no particular reason.
* In the 80's, Halliburton researched how to turn puppies into nuclear waste that they could then put in the water of school children.
* After Cheney became CEO, Halliburton made money by bulldozing orphanages in third world countries to make chemical weapons plants to use on kittens.
* Some are confused exactly what business Halliburton does. Its main products are pollution, hatred, death, and lawn furniture.
* Remember when you didn't get that toy you wanted for Christmas? It was because of Halliburton!
* In Iraq, Halliburton has a couple people instructed to bang a hammer against pieces of wood to pretend they're construc"


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